sykopsilocybin (sykopsilocybin) wrote,

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I have been examine and reexamining staurday morning's trip and I'm no closer to comnig to any conclusions. So, at the time, I knew I was finding enlightenment. So, what now? Am I supposed to call myself a Bodhisattva and spend the rest of my life meditating in a monastary on the other side of the planet? And when did I start practicing buddhism? I'm not trying to sound pretentious. I'm not enlightened in the least. But I was, and I can be. I am not a Bodhisattva. I'm not even a fucking Buddhist. There is alot of truth to Buddhism, but I LOVE the human drama. I don't want to escape it. But once I did, I never wanted to come back. But I did. So do I really want to be here?

I think that I need to spend some time by myself. I'd like to go off in the woods some where and just BE. I need to get in touch with these things I once only identified as beliefs, not truths. For years I identified myself as a Wiccan. But the things I've learned about spirituality lately go beyond wicca. I guess this is where Buddhism comes in...I still honor nature and realize the divinity in all things, but I can no longer personfy divinity. The God/Goddess aspect that initially drew me to wicca has become clouded. So...I think it's time for me to figure out not what I believe, but what I see and what I know. Maybe I should spend some time famailiarizing myself with spiritual figures. This mut of religions that has become my belief structure is pretty similar to hinduism as I understand it, and the people who run baps swaminayrian are really nice. Maybe I could just watch their services for a little while.

or maybe I just need to sit down with alot of psycheldelics for a while. Acid got me into this mess, maybe it can help me find my way out of it.
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